DANG IT FOSH!
by RunningBacon
Summary: About a week before the Battle of Geonosis, a group of jedi go to negotiate with the trade federation to raise a blockade. They come out of with more then they bargan for: a blind guy and a bird doctor. Them and an unlucky clone fight their way through clone wars, the rebellion, and many bad puns. So sit back, relax, and may the Fosh be with you.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Negotiators

"This is Jedi cruiser 12-65 requesting permission to dock in hanger 3 of Trade Federation Flagship, over.

"Flagship to Jedi Vessel, your request has been acknowledged. Please send designated landing codes."

The pilot began punching the code in as the Jedi looked upon towards the vessel. "Remember young ones, you are to negotiate the end of this blockade and nothing more. Do you understand? We don't want another repeat of the last negotiations.

"Excuse me master, but those pirates shouldn't keep armed missles inside the negotiation chamber. They were bound to go off."

17 BDC (Before the Destruction of Corusaunt, about 21 BBY). The Trade Federation has set up a blockade around the planet of Corellia. They have captured a high value target trying to escape the planets surface. The King before he was captured was able to get a message out to Corusaunt before the civilian transport he was hiding on was taken by the Trade Federation. Now Jedi Master Kuthon and three young padawans are sent to negotiate the breaking of the blockade and the release the prisoners from the transport.

-Carlis Merlecto. A frozian consular. 18 Padawan to the Neti Jedi master Frond Banar.

-Ardana Tal'Kina. A Blue Twi'lek guardian. 16. Padawan to Jedi master Kuthon.

-Kharys Kallel. A S'kytri guardian. 17. Padawan to master Kuthon and close friend to Ardana.

Master Kuthon has instructed these three to go in his place to these negotiations.

"Codes check out 12-65. You are free to move to hanger 3. An escort will be waiting for you when you land."

Ardana looks down at the escort as the cruiser lands. "I have got a bad feeling about this."

"Oh come on. That is what you said last time," Kharys pointed out.

"And with good reason. This mission is of more importance than those pirates were. Just try not to blow anything up please." Carlis lead the trio out of the ship and to the droid escort.

"I will try my best."


	2. Chapter2 The Good, The Blind, the Fosh

Ch. 2 The Good, the Blind, and the Fosh

"AN EASY JOB! THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID! You said that we were headed to Corusaunt anyway! That we were 'Guarding a Politician', and you didn't tell me THAT HE WAS THE KING! Because of you I will miss my appointment with the council to be a doctor full time! But now we are stuck in this god-forsaken cell!"

The crowded cell block echoed with the angry squawks of the Fosh chewing out her companion.

Aelynn. A white Fosh. She works as a field medic and a surgeon. Her specialty is prosthetics. She has spent a lot if time lately working and studying in the halls of healing in the jedi temple and plans to work full time as a doctor.

Deadron Torad. A Miraluka. The unlucky son of a bantha that is tasting Aelynn's wrathe right now. He works as a hired gun and a bounty hunter. He has also lived with Aelynn for most of his life after his parents died. They live together on Corellia, when Aelynn is studying he is out working. What makes him good at his job is his really strong ties to the force. A bounty hunter with that skill set can usually fetch a higher price for his services.

"First: how long do you plan on breaking eardrums? Second: am I ever going to hear the end of this?" Deadron muttered as he looks around the crowded cell.

"First: a long time. Second: NO!"

All the occupants of the ship were split into four large cells. Each one guarded by a password encrypted lock and two battle droids. 'The droids would be simple. The lock... Aelynn could get that of we were on the other side'. After that thought, something changed, and Deadron saw it.

"Aelynn, be quiet."

"Don't tell me too be quiet!"

"No please. Be quiet." His head shifted slightly to the ceiling. "There are others. Four more just entered the ship."

"Other what?"

The escort lead the three padawan into the room where the negotiations would be held. The room was barely wider then the hallway they had left. The walls were sleek and grey. A table matching the walls took up most of the area within the room. Chairs were evenly placed along the sides of the table.

"So are we meant to wait for our host, or are they just going to gas us?" Ardana stood at the far end of the table away from the door, observing the room.

"The Trade Federation wouldn't be foolish enough to try anything of the sort... again," Carlis said as he took his seat at the end of the table."

Kharys took his seat next to Carlis, propping his feet up on an adjacent chair. "You seriously underestimate the stupidity of some people."

"Some people yes, but I never underestimate how stupid you can be."

As Carlis's insult finished, the door to the hallway opened, and a tall, frail looking Nemodian entered the room and took his seat at the opposite end of the table. "So the jedi have sent you for the negotiations," he sent a questioning gaze across the table at the trio. "So shall we begin?"

Hours passed as Carlis and the Nemodian went back and forth on politics and policies. The air in the room began to grow heavy as neither party would budge on where they stood.

"Regardless of what your policy states, by the laws of the Republic, you cannot blockade this planet, take civilians as captives, and openly keep their king from reaching out without openly declaring war."

The Nemodian merely shook his head. "Your laws regulate planets and the government thereof. We are a business. I don't expect jedi, especially the likes of you, to understand. There is no break in policy here so we have no more to discuss. An escort will lead you too your shuttle."

A blur of light brown flew over the table and placed itself between the Nemodian and the exit. An emerald blade drawn. "We have much more to discuss here today now sit."

The doors slid open, and the escort entered the room, weapons drawn. "No we don't. Now if you would be so..."

Another battle droid approached from where the padawan sat, the yellow markings showed it was a commander. It signaled for the escort to leave and keep anyone else from entering the room. And when the escort left. The S'Kytri chuckled in the back. "I can tell you paid no expense with buying the highest quality of droids," and with a wave of his hand the commander droid disappeared. "Now where were we?"

"The blockade needing to be removed," Ardana replied lazily, feet propped up on the table, and obswrving her own saber.

"Oh right," Carlis moved closer to the trembling nemoidian.

"No wait you don't understand! I couldn't lift the blockade even if I wanted to!"

"And why ever not," with every word the Frozian took another step towards the negotiator as he slowly backed away from the jedi.

"Because I am not in control of this ship Or the rest of the blockade!"

Ardana took her turn in the interrogation, and walked graceful diwn the side of the room towards the negotiator, "Well if you are not in control, then who is? And what kind of value are you to us now?"

"He is a man. Dressed much like you jedi, but with bkack robes and a red sword."

There was a moment of silence after the Nemodian's remark. The three padawan exchanged looks of astonishment at this new piece of information. Carlis clicked his comm link, "Master I hope you heard that."

"I did," replied their master, followed by some heavy breathing. "I am already on my way. You need to get the prisoners out and back to their ship. Meet me when you are done. We will work as an escort for their escape."

Ardana spoke up, "Master what about you?"

"I will take care of the sith. You three need to start moving now!"

With that the padawan bolted for the door. Before Carlis was out the door he turned to face the negotiator, "We will have your ship back in your control, and if you don't remove the blockade, then we will be back. And we don't ASK twice."

The Nemodian nodded his head and watched the trio run down the hall.


	3. Chapter 3 Oh Fosh It

_Hi people who actually read this. I just would like to thank you for the views and I would love to get reviews from all of you. And just a reminder this story is actually based off of an RP that a group of friends and I did a nd I will be writing the things we RPed and I will eventually get around to writing some in between as another book. So THANK YOU AGAIN and enjoy :)_

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Ch. 3 Oh Fosh It

"Deadron will you just tell me what is going on!?"

"Will you please SHUT YOUR BEAK! You're scaring the kids." Deadron gesturing over to the group of the other completely confused prisoners in the cell.

"Says the blind guy staring at the ceiling."

"Shut up Aelynn!" Deadron watched as three of the force signatures began moving towards their location. The fourth was heading off towards an area of the ship that held a darker presence that Deadron couldn't see. "Three people are coming our way. Force users, probably jedi."

"Where are they at, and how close are they?"

"I can't see specifics, but they are getting definitely getting closer."

Deadron then turned around towards the other prisoners in the cell, "Everyone please listen up. You all need to stay in the cell when that door opens until we give you the thumbs up. Ok?"

There was a silence for a little while until a few heads nodded and some "yes" and "ok"s were spoken. But one prisoner stood up and spoke directly to Deadron, "Why should we listen to you? Who put you in charge?"

Deadron turned his head slightly towards the man who spoke out. "Excuse me sir what do you do for a living?"

The man was stunned at the question. "I sell and repair protocol droids."

"Exactly. Now sit down and shut up, unless you would prefer to get shot as soon as you leave the door."

With those words, the droid sells man, sat down against the wall and didn't make another sounds.

"Aelynn I need you to watch his Majesty when we leave the cell. Please make sure he gets to the ship. Because if he doesn't make it, then we don't get paid."

Aelynn moved to protest, but decided it was the best course of action to take. She rolled her eyes and moved to the door where Deadron stood.

Faint explosions and crashes echoed outside their cell door. "Well that is either really good or really bad," Aelynn said as she made her way to Deadron.

The metal door to the cell slid to the side opening into the cell block. In the doorway stood a young, blue twi'lek no older than 16. She held a glowing blue lightsaber in hand as she looked into cell.

Deadron looked at the new arrival, "Aren't you a little young to be staging a rescue?"

"Aren't you a little blind to be answering a door?"

"Well you got a point there," Deadron made his way out of the cell to see the remains of multiple battle droids that had been on guard duty. The other cells were being open by two more young jedi, a winged humanoid, and what looked to be tall walking cat. 'Glad to see that they brought the professionals'

The miraluka made his way to a side door on the opposite end of the hall. After tapping away on the wall panal for a couple seconds, the door slid open leading to room filled to the brim with containers, holding confiscated goods. He searched among the boxes until he found what he wanted. He slid a long high powered rifle from the container and slung it over his shoulder, two vibro-knives cam after, closely followed by two sidearms that went directly back into their holsters. Aftet he holstered the guns, he sighed with releaf as he found what he loved most. Two, long katana were pulled from the box.

"Hey Aelynn, come get your stuff before someone else claims it!" The fosh pulled out a small container holding elelectrical and med gear, and a small blaster out of the same box.

Aelynn looked up at the miraluka with scalpel in hand, "If you tried, you would wake up the next morning missing two VERY important things."

"Well you are obviously talking abouy my eyes," Deadron responded with a grin as he turned to exit the door. But when he turned he found the Frozian, Carlis, at the doorway looking in at him.

"Take a picture it will last longer." Deadron pushed past the young jedi and moved out of the door and into the hallway beyond towards the exit. "More droids are coming. I would suggest putting those lightsabers too use," Deadron spoke as he pulled out his blades which slowly began to hum and crackle with green electricity.

The frozian contiued to watch the miraluka in disbelief. Kharys walked up behind Carlis and placed a hand on his shoulder, "He is way out of league anyway."

"What? NO! Don't you see it?"

"I see that he has a couple of pimped out swords, but so do we. Why does it matter?"

"No that one is stong in the force. More so than normal miraluka."

"But really when have you met other miraluka besides the stiffs in the temple?"

"Your master will want to meet him. We should take him with us to the temple."

"HEY JEDI! Make yourself useful and get ovet hear!" Deadron yelled back as more battle droids began approaching the cell block.

The first wave began with 10 battle droids. They didn't stand a chance as the three jedi and the spacer moved to attack. Blades swung and the droids fell to pieces.

The second wave began to move into the room, and before the jedi could move to attack, there was a flash of green light and a primal yell escaped from the miraluka. Green bolts of electricity shot from either of his hands, arcing between the droids and the wall, blackening the smooth metal of the woods and frying the droids. Once the the lightning stopped, the three jedi and the prisoners that jad begun to walk out of their cells stopped in their tracks, eyes wide and mouths open in shock. Kharys leaned over to Carlis, "Ok he is coming with us."

Deadron didn't turn back to face the others. Instead he began walking down the passage that the droids had come from. "Whoever can shoot a blaster, pick one up and take up the rear of the group. The jedi and I will take the front."

Slowly and cautiously a few of the prisoners picked up the blasters from the fallen droids. The large group of prisoners formed up and followed the four force users and the fosh.

The group made it's way through the corridors of the ship, occasionally bumpimg into some droids which were easily dispatched. Once the they made it to the hanger bay, the former prisoners were escorted back onto the ship. Carlis walked up to the pilot of the ship and began speaking to him, "Do not leave the ship until we give the heads up. We are going to the bridge and are going to take out the weapon system to make your escape easier." The pilot nodded and boarded the ship with the rest of the passengers.

Aelynn was about to escort the King back onto the transport before Ardana stopped her. "He will be more safe on our ship. We have to go back to Coriscant anyway." Ardana and Aelynn then escorted the "high valued employer" onto the jedi's ship.

"So what is the plan exactly, Mr. ..."

"Carlis. My name is Carlis. And this is Kharys and Ardana. The plan is that we need to get to the bridge of this ship and take out the guns. Even we can shut down them for a little while, then we get a window where we won't be getting shot at. Then we need to fight those two's master."

"Sounds good to me. Come on let's go."

The furious five began moving their way through the ship. Kharys continuously checks his comm link for Master Kuthon, but gets no reponse. "Dammit where could he posably be?"

Deadron looked back at Kharys, "if it is that other one that ran off without you, then he left to the otherside of the ship and I couldn't see him after that."

Ardana turned and looked at the miraluka questioningly, "What do you mean see?"

"Well, if you don't know already, Miraluka 'see' through the force. I can 'see' peoples force signatures from longer distances through walls, but I can't really see specifics yet. I am still working on that. So if he comes back into view then I will tell you."

"Yes please!" Ardana burst out, "And thank you."

"No problem."

The bridge was guarded by a small troop of battle droids... WAS guarded by battle droids. The team tried carefully not to step on any sharp pieces of scrap as they approached the locked door.

Kharys walked up and began pressing on the control pad on the wall. "Its no use, this thing is locked tight, and it will take to long to cut it open before more droids come."

"Oh please," Aelynn pushed aside the S'kytri and proceeded to pull out her small container of goodies. She popped her knuckles and went to work.

"Oh come on you can't have a hope of opening that door." Not two minutes into working, did the door open.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

The bridge of the ship contained mostly droids working away at computers, and a tremblimg nemodian in the captain's seat, "Oh no not you three again."

Kharys walked in first and walked up to the nemodian, "Don't worry about us we are only here for a second," his lightsaber turns on and the blue blade extends, "Now where are the controls to the weapon systems."

He shakily pointed over at a console on one side of the room. "I got it." Aelynn wipped out her pistol and shot the droids working at the screens, then walked over and began working away on the console. Once she was done, she wipped out her pistols again and blasted the console. "And that should do it."

Deadron picked up his comm, "Civilian transport you have the heads up to leave. Good luck and may the force be with you." He then turned to the Nemodian, "Thank you for your time," and with that they turned around and left the bridge.

"That was easier than I thought it would be," laughed Ardana.

"And another thing, I didn't want to bring it up before, but your master is back in sight. But he is faint and we need to get to him now." Deadron led the jedi through more corridors through the ship. When the grew closer to their master's location, they noticed slashes in the walls and floor, made by lightsabers. The closer they got, the more their were, along with some slashed droids.

"This is it." The group stopped in front of an open door leading into a darkened chamber. The glow from their lightsabers illuminated the room a little. "Ardana watch your step," Deadron spoke out. But his attempt was to late. Ardana's foot hit something, and it began to role.

"I think this should help," Aelynn punched a code into the wall and the lights came on. The severed head continued to role until it hit a wall and stopped. The head crimson red head of what once was a zeltron belonged to the limp body on the floor, dressed in black and grey robes.

"Where were you fifteen minutes ago?" a strangled voice cam from the back of the room. The younger (38-39) human lay against the wall on the opposite side of the room. His head drooped and his brown hair drooped with it. His body was covered in many small cuts and burns. He cradled one arm which was obviously broken, and one leg had been cut down to the bone.

"Master!" Kharys and Ardana ran to their injured master and began lifting him to his feet. "Why the hell didn't you answer your comm?"

He held up what looked to be a half of a comm, "I didn't have any service," he cracked a smile as he spoke the words.

They all moved slowly with the injured jedi added to the merry band. They all made their way towards the hangar bay and onto the jedi's cruiser.


End file.
